Valentine's day again?
In some respects it seems like an eternity since last Valentine's Day, and in others I can't believe this is the second Valentine's day since Juliana has been gone. This is the first in the long line of second's that I have to look forward to this year. I didn't have my blog yet last year on Valentine's day but I remember Joey buying this beautiful basket of flowers for Juliana's grave. It meant so much. Juliana will have to forgive us this year since I am so sick and the weather is so yucky but at least her basket with roses is still standing bright there today. I have spent a lot of time lately bring angry. Angry with everything and everyone around me. I will always be angry that she isn't here with us but it goes deeper than that. I feel like everyone has an opinion about everything especially with the news that we are expecting again. I feel like since they haven't been here for us throughout the year then they have no buisness making comments. I think back to this time last year and to the people that were helping us get through the nightmare of losing Juliana and it is interesting whose names come up. It isn't at all who you would think. Our friends (IRL and online), my parents, and my cousin were really the only ones there. Hmm I think we see who is missing....yeah that great family. It seems like they only want to be there through the good times. It is sad to me that we have received more phone calls and emails from them asking how things are now that we are expecting again. I guess that is one of life's lessons huh? I guess it is hard for me because I watch my husband struggle so much to juggle work, taking care of me, and grieving. Where is his support? I was writing his valentine's day card thinking how lucky I am to have him in my life. He has completely exhausted himself taking care of me, Juliana, and Joshua this past year. It is true that this year has brought us closer and only made me love him more. How lucky am I to have such a wonderful family...I am blessed to have Joey, Juliana, and Joshua. Happy Valentine's Day to all my loves!
To my sweetest little Valentine Juliana,
Oh how I would rather you be here and us be making a huge dinner for Daddy and making heart shaped cakes but life had different plans. I hope that in heaven you can feel all the love from those of us down here that love and miss you! I still can't believe your gone but I am getting better about that. I know you have been healing me from heaven my litle angel. Send down some extra love to your Daddy today since Mommy is having such a hard time mustering any energy from this terrible virus. I love you sweetie! Happy Valentine's Day!
Love, Mommy
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2 comments:
Awwww, it's a bittersweet moment, the first second if you know what I mean. I am so glad you have Joey and he has been so wonderful this year. As for those who haven't been there...well, unfortunately it seems people don't always know what to do or say and others show their true colors and flake out.
Its wondeful to have a spouse who is so supportive...like Colleen said I bet some of your friends and family don't know what to say...do they know how much you are suffering?
BTW is it coincidence that Juliana and Joshua are both J's like their daddy?????
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